I Accept...and I will Enjoy!

• 08 September 2008

Occasionally over the past several years (when I'm struggling with motherhood, parenting, etc.), the Husband offers that "I need to accept the life I chose". Honestly, I've always thought it a silly comment. I mean really, I've brought 3 children into this world, endured sick-the-whole-9-month pregnancies, and left a budding career behind--one I enjoyed a lot. Like a lot.

While not necessarily related, reading this article (and this article too) caused an epiphany to occur...I chose this life, this role, but I truly hadn't accepted it...yet. The Husband was right after all (don't tell him that!) and I finally understood, after 7 years, that I needed to change my perspective, my paradigm (Covey would refer to this as a "paradigm shift" I believe). Man, it felt good to do that...to suddenly realize this is where I would find my true happiness, should I choose to accept this challenge wholeheartedly, and with joy, not just endurance.

Doing this doesn't mean I have to give up my outside interests, it just means I need to change the way I react to my daily life. While these past few days haven't necessarily been easier, I have felt greater peace within myself. I know I have a large sphere of influence in my home and making a greater effort to make that influence more positive makes all the difference in the world.

When my kids are being grumpy, I often ask them to go to a private space and find their "happy face". It's about time I did that myself, don't you think? :)

14 comments:

MelancholySmile said...

Love these thoughts... and I like the phrasing about 'finding your happy face'. I think I'll start using that on myself and my kiddos. :)

It's Always Sunny in Portland said...

hi!!! loved this post and i was impressed to read your wise words in the NYT! xoxo

Leslie said...

been having some similar conversations with my husband. thanks for the thoughts. I'll be reading those articles tonight.

Robin Lunt said...

very profound...its really hard to have sufficient clarity to make choices intentionally rather than driven by circumstances or a sense of obligation. And then it requires great discipline to enjoy the results of those choices even when circumstances may be hard.
I think you do a great job, but it's something that i struggle with too!

.caroline armelle. said...

i've had the same conversation with my husband.. i'm glad i'm not the only one.

i'll have to read those articles..

Amber said...

I feel this way all the time. I read this quote last week and it really hit home with me. "It is not doing the things we like to do, but liking the things we have to do that makes life blessed." I feel suffocated sometimes by kids and housework it makes me crazy. I need to accept that the laundry needs to be done no matter what so enjoy it instead of hate every moment. I also love the country song "Your gonna miss this" one day I will. I hear you some days I feel like What did I sign up for!

Laurie said...

I would not have guessed that you felt that way. You seem very organized, and totally like you had arrived at the right place at the right time in life. Anyway, it's always good to connect with other people this way. Thanks for the links.

noelle said...

stephanie,
you said it perfectly. sometimes i try to make my husband feel badly for my lot in life and that's not fair of me. sometimes i find myself trying to stay away from my single friends. they go when they want, run when they want, shop when they want, have fewer bags to drag around everywhere, and the list goes on and on!!! but there is no reason to feel sorry for myself or envious of others. it's the best kind of hard ever. i've never been as rewarded as i have been as a mother. so where are all those femi-nazis? shouldn't they be standing up for all the women who sacrifice to stay home....seems like we've taken a high road!!!
thanks for your thoughts!!!

Stephanie said...

Laurie, I am trying. Sometimes I need to walk the walk until I can talk the talk :) No really, I do love it in so many ways and am not always regretful. I just see women who genuinely LOVE what they are doing and I want to be that kind of person, that kind of mother. What is the point of doing it if you're not going to love it and make the most of it? I want my kids to feel and know that they are loved and if I don't have a smile on my face, they may think it's them and I would never want them to feel that way. Anyway, that's just how I've been feeling lately. Hope you're well!

Lisa said...

So good to hear! I think there are a lot of us who have felt that way before. Thanks for sharing.

lynne said...

very, very thought provoking - i too will read these articles. thank you for sharing.

Georgia said...

I am sure you brought a positive boost to a lot of moms in the trenches doing the hard work of this world! I will always remember the successful (and wealthy) career woman that told me she wanted to go back to work quickly after being home to have her baby. The reason she gave was that it was easier going to work than it was to stay home and raise children. It's tough work with hopefully eternal rewards. XOX Mom

Jules said...

I had a moment on Sunday reflecting on this. I have an Uncle who is 65 and has never married. He is dating this fabulous woman (has for 5 years) but feels she doesn't have any "interests." It made me reevaluate my life. I told him that a lot of times when you are a mom you have to put a lot of your "interests" on hold because your life revolves around your family. I told her maybe she has just struggled finding those interests again. It also made me realize to be a better mom I still need to grow and have my own interests. I have recently decided I am going to relearn Spanish and really become fluent this time (I was so close when we lived in Mexico 6 years ago, but have lost it).

jennifer said...

LOVE this post and all the comments. it's really making me think. on to reading the article now. :)

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